Advice For New Mothers

Over the last week I’ve come across a few posts on different blogs with advice for new mothers.

This one from Rookie Moms, Stuff newborn moms should know, is a list of good, practical information like, “Feedings are frequent. A new baby needs to eat every two to three hours. I’ll do the math for you: eight to twelve times per day.“

Maxabella wrote a beautiful post, Newborn mums, for a new mum friend of hers that I just love. This bit in particular, “Nurture yourself as kindly and carefully as you nurture your new baby. There are no wrong ways, no right ways, just ways.“

Jodi from Che and Fidel wrote a letter to herself pregnant for the first time that is full of good advice like, “Never feel guilty for taking an afternoon nap.“

For all mothers, not just those with newborns, The Mother’s Guide to Taking a Break is a guest post by Caz Makepeace on The Organised Housewife. This bit, “Place the word holiday, or travel, in your mind right now. What images and phrases does it conjure up for you? I bet already you are starting to relax as you think of those carefree days of adventure and discovery, romantic beach walks, sunset swings in hammocks with a good book and a glass of wine.” is the reason for my Humpday Holiday Wednesdays.

And finally, the advice that I always give to newborn mothers that I know: don’t worry about forming bad habits. If something is working for you and for the baby, do it. When it no longer works you will find something else that does, and then you will do that. You may be thinking one day, how will we ever stop doing *whatever* (swaddling the baby like a mummy, using a dummy, breastfeeding, bouncing up and down on a yoga ball to get the baby to sleep, this elaborate toddler bedtime routine that must be done in the right order or all hell breaks loose, etc etc) and then the next day the baby/toddler decides it doesn’t like doing that anymore anyway. Things change, things pass, it won’t be like this forever, even the good bits, so enjoy them and notice them while you can. You are doing a great job.

(A photo of my mum with newborn me. I always think she looks kind of apprehensive in this picture, but she did a pretty good job.)

Sometimes it just all works

Dave was away from 5am – 10pm on Tuesday this week and again from 5am Thursday till 8pm tonight. That’s 3 mornings, 3 dinners, 2.5 bed times (he made it home just in time to read Lil’s story tonight) and 1 overnight of solo parenting. Aaaaand, it was fine. No tantrums, easy bed times, Lil stayed in bed quietly all night, we had leftovers on Tuesday night but I cooked from scratch the other two nights (quiche and chow mein) and we got out of the house every day and even interacted with other people. I also managed to bake date muffins (twice this week!) and brownies for playgroup and research and book a holiday house for November (more on that later.) Sometimes the stars just align. Let’s hope they stay that way next week as Dave is off again for a couple of nights.

I’m looking forward to the weekend. Tomorrow is morning tea at a friend’s house (Lil and I while Ed and Dave nap) and an overdue hairdresser appointment for me. Sunday is swimming lessons (Dave and Lil while Ed and I nap) and… no other plans. Yay! The sun is shining and the forecast is for 20 degree temps. Positively Spring-like.

Now if Mr Edward would just stop waking up every two and a half hours overnight everything would be perfect. But he is pretty cute:

Mother’s Day 2011

I know I am rather late to be writing about Mother’s Day. I’ve been busy being a mother and have spent the last two days (and nights) looking after a poorly baby who only wants to sleep on me and would really rather be on me even when awake. It’s just a cold and teething, I think, but there are still no teeth to be seen.

So, Mother’s Day. My fourth as a mother, my first as a mother of two, my seventeenth without a mother.

In the years between losing my mother and becoming a mother Mother’s Day was mostly just another day. Sometimes painful, but I learned to tune out the ads, throw out the catalogues and dodge conversations. Now I am the mother and it feels good to reclaim the day for me while at the same time thinking of my own mother.

This Mother’s Day I was presented with a preschool made card, gifts (a decorated yoghurt pot filled with lollies) and a snuggle from my big girl followed by breakfast in bed. The rest of the morning continued as a normal Sunday would. Dave and Lil went to the Farmer’s Market, we all went to swimming lessons (Ed’s second, he was not so impressed this time) and home again for lunch. Then I had the afternoon off. Dave looked after the kids, and one extra, while I went off with Xanthe for an afternoon to ourselves. It was lovely and when we got home again there were pancakes waiting. Happy Mother’s Day!

Links: Realities of parenting

It’s easy when reading blogs or talking to people to get the impression that everyone else has things much more together than you do. Other people’s houses are so clean and tidy, other people do amazing craft and educational projects with their children, other people’s kids don’t watch DVD after DVD, other people somehow get a whole lot more done with their time. The reality, of course, is that you are only seeing a small fraction of someone’s life. If you could pull back the viewfinder and see the room behind the perfectly knitted child’s dress perhaps things would look different. So when I do come across totally honest accounts of the difficult parts of being a parent I am always excited to see that yes, things are not always easy and picture perfect for other people either. Everyone has their moments of frustration, their feelings of remind me why am I doing this again?

Here are a few such posts I’ve come across recently:

Kelle from Enjoying the Small Things is one of those bloggers who takes amazing photos and documents the things her family gets up to. Wonderful trips to magical beaches, endless fun and games and cuddles and cute clothes. But you know what, her house is messy!

I’ve been reading Melanie’s blog Melli-Mello since before either of us had children. I found it in 2004 when we were considering a move to Canada and have read along ever since. This week Melanie wrote Dark thoughts and total honesty which includes an account of an average day and you know I love those.

I found Georgia’s blog Gregarious Peach last year when looking for inspiring birth stories. (I linked to her son Theo’s birth story a while back.) Her photos are amazing and this week she posted a video montage of her daughter’s completed 365 project. It’s beautiful and you should watch it. But again, there is more going on behind the cute photos and she writes: It does seem that the majority of my posts on gregariouspeach.com have been upbeat or ‘heartwarming’. I want to be perfectly honest with you and say that is because I have taken time to find things that warmed my soul and made me happy to be a parent when quite often I have found parenting incredibly difficult and found myself so full of doubts.

These posts reminded me of this TED Talks video about parenting taboos. In it the speakers describe parenting as like expecting a holiday in Europe and instead being taken trekking in Nepal. Trekking in Nepal is an amazing experience, but if you were expecting (and had packed for) a holiday in Europe it’s a bit of a shock.

The other interesting part of this talk is the happiness graphs. Parents have a lower average happiness than non-parents, but the highs are much higher, and the lows lower. It’s a rollercoaster.